Women's Sexuality and Pleasure
Have you been told that you are too much, and then felt like you needed to make yourself smaller?
Do you feel unable to speak up?
Do you feel frustrated in achieving the kind of sex you fantasize about?
Did a past experience leave you with recurring pain around sex and sexual dynamics- or do you have a hunch that something around trauma is occurring for you?
Do you want to address your own impulses toward or away from sex?
Women often don’t realize the degree to which they have internalized the messages by a culture that privileges men. Women are often taught to fill a certain role sexually- one that does not reflect their true sexual being. Have you been told you are not sexual enough or too sexual? This is because women's sexuality is constantly being compared to the male libido. Our work together will revolve around what feels right to you and working towards getting clear on what you want. So much of how sexual we feel can be limited to our body image and how sexy we think others find us. Being sexual requires being in our body and much of my work focuses on identifying the roadblocks to feeling good in your own skin, where the pleasure is found!
Vulnerability is a gateway to expansive feeling. When we can allow ourselves to feel vulnerable with our partner, to allow them to really see us, we have the opportunity to simultaneously go deeper into intimacy and dive into the erotic.
If we aren’t intimate with ourselves, how can we be intimate with anyone else? Being in intimate relationship with anyone (yourself, your partner, your family) requires self-inquiry, self-disclosure, honesty, and presence. And letting it simply be.
Sex & Aging
There is no age at which sex becomes inappropriate. Conversely, in our hyper-sexual culture we often feel pressure to be something we are not. Sexually speaking we are better off accepting our authentic preferences. What is normal? I create a safe container to explore delicate topics and vulnerable feelings.
We live with Western cultural imperatives for women to stay youthful and beautiful, with steep consequences for not conforming. Imperatives for men include performance-based expectations, which are innately disappointing over time and cause intense shame and eventually disconnection. Focusing on pleasure allows us to find enjoyment and connection in sex, however it expresses.
Responses to traumatic events can include fight or flight and also freezing. You may ask yourself “Why didn’t I do anything? Why didn’t I get away?” Quite possibly because you were frozen and not capable of removing yourself from harm. Deep, guided somatic inquiry can help unfreeze parts of you that have been unavailable for a long time. After developing a sense of safety based on what your body/mind requires, you may discover touch as you have never experienced it before.
If you grow up in American society as a woman you are bombarded with daily messages about how you should look and unattainable beauty standards. Women's worth is often based on looks and men "smarts", as a result, many women feel bad about their body. And yet, we’re also told we’re supposed to feel good about our bodies. Talk about a double bind! This is very important because when it comes to women's sexuality research shows that body image significantly impacts our libido's and sense of desirability.
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