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Holding Hands

INFIDELITY

Talk Therapy geared to help people heal from a trust breech and restore their relationship. 

TREATMENT

If you have recently uncovered that there has been an affair you are probably feeling overwhelmed and unable to make sense of what happened. This is a time of crisis for couples that requires immediate attention. A Crisis like this launches people into an existential journey of rawness & and deep turbulent emotions.

 

It is often the first time that couples will have conversations they have been avoiding for years. You may need to talk about unmet needs, desires, resentments and loneliness that in retrospect many couples wish they had talked about years ago. As much as you may be tempted to reduce the affair to sex and dishonesty, I urge folks to use infidelity as a way to go deeper into the complex landscape of who you are as a couple, the meaning you are both going to make of this event, and the role boundaries play in keeping relationships together.


 I urge you to have in these important conversations regardless of whether you decide to rebuild the 2.0 version of your relationship or consciously uncouple. Most couples, contrary to popular belief, do not end their relationships because of infidelity but rather come out the other side stronger than they previously were. I have helped countless people heal from infidelity and can help you work through this hard time.

RECOVERING FROM INFIDELITY MAY INCLUDE:
  • Stabilize after the initial shock

  • Making sense of what happened

  • Understand what you both need

  • Heal from the trauma

  • Reestablish boundaries

  • Rebuild trust & communication

  • Deepen your understanding of each other

  • Talk about what made the relationship vulnerable to infidelity

 5 MYTHS: RETHINKING INFIDELITY

1. Cheating Happens Because due to Lack of Sexual Attraction

There are a myriad of reasons people have an affair and, while sexual attraction can at times be a reason, the vast majority of the time it is not. Often feeling distant, missing feeling a particular brand of aliveness, or having unmet emotional needs are the drives that underpin staying from the relationship. 

 

2. Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater

While there is such a thing as serial cheating, many people who cheat will not cheat again. Couples often are able to rebuild from the ground up what is a far stronger version of the relationship and look back at this event in disbelief it ever happened.

3. If You Stay With Someone With Your Partner who Broke Trust,  You do Not Respect Yourself

Infidelity is often a symptom of other underlying issues. Couples will have conversations that cut to the core of who they are as a couple and what has gone unaddressed over time. This is very vulnerable and meaningful work that provides the opportunity to create a stronger and healthier relationship. Not respecting yourself looks more like accepting a partner’s unfaithfulness and not making any effort to address the core things that need addressing. 

 

4. Infidelity Happens in Unhappy Relationships

Infidelity can happen in very strong and happy relationships or marriages as well. There are many reasons people engage in a trust breech, stress (both inside and outside of the relationship) is very common. A sense of having lost one's identity and sense of overall aliveness on an existential level. Or feeling inadequate on a personal level and seeking validation. There are many reasons that people in otherwise very happy and healthy relationships cheat to address other factors of their life/personal identity. 

5. After an Affair you Can no Longer Have a Good Marriage 

Surveys have shown that almost 80% of people who divorced their partner because of an affair regretted the decision. If conscious uncoupling is what makes the most sense for you we can do that work but only after making sure that is the right decision for you both after doing work on the relationship to get you to a place of clarity. Most people, contrary to popular belief, do not end their relationships because of infidelity. They grow stronger.

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